6 Ways to Get Along Better with Your Kids
Do you find yourself yelling at your kids all the time? Do you have trouble getting them to do things that they should be doing on their own? You are not alone. Parenting is hard, and it only gets harder when we go hard on the kids.
We know it can be stressful at times to manage the household finances, housekeeping, and working; and difficult children could be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But keep in mind that having and maintaining a healthy relationship with your kids could be what relieves the stress. It may not be their fault you’re grumpy but them being difficult are sometimes the natural consequences of our demeanor.
Here are a few tips on building a strong relationship with your kids:
Give Them a Hug and Tell Them You Love Them
Seriously, about any relationship, you can never have too much love. Even though the kids may roll their eyes and look clueless as you kiss them and hug them tightly in public, but it’s a good thing to do. You will feel better inside knowing that you showed them you love them, and they will feel better, too. Keep in mind that toddlers and preteens will have different reactions than teens. Teens would most likely feel embarrassed in public, so find a different way to express your love for them. My teen would ask for hugs at home but not in public, so she devised a pseudo hug in the form of fist bumps and secret handshakes. Ask your teen about how they would want you to express your love for them in public.
Give Children Choices About Their Day, Such as What They Want for Breakfast and What They Want to Wear
This is a possible teaching moment, too. Ask your children what they want for their breakfast for the week, and you can get them involved in the planning and cooking. Have them wake up early to help you prepare breakfast. Just make sure to tell them no if they’re asking for something crazy like a 16-ounce steak and sangria. Having them help with meals would also relieve your stress and put more bonding moments in your daily life.
On the issue of their clothes, give them the freedom to wear whatever they want as long as it’s appropriate for the place and occasion. If you’re going to the beach, a dress suit is a no go. But if they want to wear a cocktail dress just to sit around the house, why not? My preteen chooses to wear her BJJ Gi in doing her chores, and she has fun with it while not really having any consequences. It just motivates my kids since they have some control over their life.
Remind Yourself that They’re Not Perfect, but They’re Still Your Kids
You are also probably not perfect, but in your kids’ eyes, you can be. When you feel like a scream fest is about to take place, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they are kids and you are an adult. Take another deep breath and remind yourself that screaming is for the likes of Merciful Fate’s King Diamond and should be done by professionals. Ask them if they are calm enough to talk and what they need to calm down. Most of the time, we can have a meaningful conversation with the kids after a good cry and hug session.
It’s better to have a calm talk about a disagreement rather than a freestyle battle. Pull your kids up and help them understand the situation from your perspective, and ask them to help you see what happened through their eyes. If you keep doing this every time, the kids will bet the hang of it and develop it as a skill. It might take you by surprise when one of your children starts coaching you on anger management techniques when you’re about to lose your cool.
Make Sure to Have Plenty of Time for One-On-One Time with Each Child
Set updates with each kid. Schedule regular one on one time with each kid doing what they want to do. At times you may have a few things you want to clear up with them, and other times there are a few things they want to share with you. But most of the time, it just gives you an opportunity to have a fun time with them. Make sure the kids have their regular time with your partner as well.
Talk to Your Children About Their Feelings
It may be a big challenge for most dads out there, but it is necessary. Children may not be aware of what they do when certain emotions are in play. They may have been distraught at Dumbledore’s death, and dad just assumes they did something because he looks guilty. That’s just plain wrong in any relationship. Talk to them whenever you notice something off. Most of the time, it’s about their hobbies or schoolwork, but there are rare cases that it develops into mental health issues. It’s best to talk to your children about their feelings when you can.
Have Family Meetings Where Everyone Has a Say in How the Household Is Run
Ask the children to assist you and your partner in planning groceries, trips, and projects around the house. This will help them in gaining life skills and learning responsibility and accountability. Kids should also have a voice in how the household goes about their daily life. This should be done regularly, so the kids and you have a chance to change what has previously been set. From chore assignments, screen time, sibling relationships, and any other thing that the children think should be talked about, these should be talked about in the family meetings where everybody gets a say.
What did you think of our tips? Did we cover all the bases? Have any more to share with us or a perspective on one that we provided from your own experiences as parents and/or professionals in this field. If not, remember there are plenty of resources out there for help – whether it be family members, friends, other parents at school, teachers or even doctors. We hope this helped! Don’t forget to comment below and have an awesome day!